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My Experience Of Youth Conferencing

by a 15 year old male

When I first heard of the term Youth Conferencing I was quite unsure of what it was and it worried me for a short while. I knew that someone was coming to our house to show me a DVD on Youth Conferencing; I was expecting a woman much older than my mother and father, who knew nothing about how teenagers felt because it was probably so long since she had been one.

When she arrived at the house I answered the door and invited her into the house. To my surprise she was young and I did not think that she would be as understanding and kind as she was. She introduced herself as Fiona and asked me questions about the event that took place, which had me in trouble with the police. She explained briefly what Youth Conferencing was about and then asked me to express my thoughts and feelings on the subject. In no time at all she had made me feel at ease, after the first meeting I felt I could trust Fiona.

It made me realise that the person I had hurt was actually my victim and that I could have easily avoided the situation by biting my tongue and walking off. I also realised the stupidity involved on my part and the people close to me that I had effected with my intolerant actions.

I realised that it was time to stop being a selfish child, to, throw up my hands and accept the blame for what I had done and then try to make it better and mend all the hurt that I caused to my victim. I knew that I was actually quite lucky to go through this process it gave me a second chance to show that I was sorry for what I had done, to put the past behind me and move on to try to make a better person out of myself. To make sure that this was the first and last time that I would offend.

Youth Conferencing could give me a far greater opportunity even though I thought it was a more nerve-racking prospect than attending the court. It was the chance to meet my victim in the flesh and explain to them why I did what I did and try to make them understand that I was truly sorry for what I had done.

My victim would judge whether or not I was sincere, who better to judge than them, the person who I had committed the offence against and if they could forgive that would go further to making amends than just going to court.

As it grew closer to the conference I became nervous I didn’t like the idea of everyone listening to what I had to say or have everyone else telling me how stupid I had been. I was looking forward to meeting my victim and telling them that I was sorry and to show them that I had matured since the incident and that there was no chance of me re-offending.

Fiona called at our house some days before the meeting to let me know when the conference would take place. I was glad to talk with her about it she helped settle my nerves she was very reassuring and easy to talk to not like the middle aged person I had first imagined I would be dealing with.

The day eventually arrived when I had to meet my victim. I arrived at the conference and waited with my Youth Conference Co-ordinator and the Youth Diversion Officer. When my victim arrived I could see that they were as nervous as me, I was very grateful that they showed up because they didn’t have to. My victim explained that he was not going to come to the conference but that after talking to Fiona he had changed his mind. I was very grateful to Fiona for trying so hard on my behalf.

The conference gave me the opportunity to reflect on my actions and to gain knowledge of how my victim felt on the day that I offended. It gave me the chance to see who see who they were as a person and a small insight into their life. I also gave me an idea of what I had been to them, how my actions reflected on my family, and how I had taken attention away from other key things that were going on in my mother and fathers life at the time.

I was deeply sorry for what I has done but the only person who could forgive me was the person I had hurt no one could forgive me other than my victim and if they could forgive me then I could forgive myself. I had to make it clear that I was sorry for what I had done, I couldn’t just say sorry and that would be it, there was more to it than that.

It’s very easy to hurt someone you don’t know but it’s not so easy to sit down in front of them and have them tell you how they feel and how you have affected them. It cuts through your selfishness that once allowed you to justify your actions and lets you see what you really are.

A lot of people gave up their time for me during this process, Fiona my Youth Conference Co-ordinator, my Victim, my Mum, my Dad and it wasn’t easy to sit there and be shown how stupid you are but for me it was worth it to make amends to all of them.

This is an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life. If I ever see the man I hurt again I will see the man with the family, the martial arts expert, the hard working and charitable man only this time I will be able to say hello and smile. If only I could have thought like this before, my victim would not have been my victim.